Adorable Tigers Picked Up By NBC (Probably)

Adorable Tigers Picked Up By NBC (Probably)

A dog has become the adopted mother to two adorable tiger cubs: coming this fall on NBC.

Not actually, but hey, NBC’s done worse (remember Animal Practice?). This story rings strongly of a contrived, desperate plant by a network executive, frantic to make a heartwarming “based on a true story” show; and taking my cue from Elliott “stop asking me how to spell my name” Morgan’s (pictured below) tone, I’m going to stick to my guns and explain how poorly this situation is going to end. In the form of a television pitch:

Elliott “Stop putting that camera in my face” Morgan

Early morning, we open on a bassinette on the doorstep of a firehouse (sidenote: to this day, this is a REAL way of giving a child up for adoption). Peeking out of the bassinette are two striped tiger tails. A fireman comes to the door. “Who left this here?” As he pulls back the blanket to reveal TWO OF THE CUTEST BABY TIGERS ANYONE’S EVER SEEN! (Note: merchandising opportunity: tiger plush toys, quilts, iPhone apps to make people look like baby tigers.)

When no one in the firehouse knows exactly what to do, all seems lost for the two adorable abandoned tigers (deadbeat tiger mom will be voiced by Bruce Vilanch), until the firehouse dog, Tallim, steps up to the plate with her strong feminine canine prowess and takes the cubs in as her own.

Watch as a sassy single dog tries to raise two unruly tiger cubs in what is sure to be a hilarious yet heart wrenching tale of triumph of a mother’s struggle to keep her unconventional family afloat in this year’s surefire Emmy nominated dramedy. It’s Parenthood meets The New Normal meets Reddit.

Episodes will include bringing the cubs home for the holidays to meet Tallim’s conservative and disapproving family, the cubs acting out in school because they are being teased, an episode where a social worker tries to take the cubs away because they need to be in a more natural environment, and a special vacation episode to show that sometimes being in an unconventional family can be fun!

The series ends when the two fully-grown tigers decline their acceptance to the best Ivy league zoo and then EAT their adoptive mother dog BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FERAL TIGERS DO INSTINCTUALLY. Chelsea Handler is attached to play the mother dog.

So keep your eyes open for Pick of the Litter, coming Fall 2013 because this is a ridiculous occurrence and we will not stand for it.

Hi, I'm Ross Everett. You found the secret page. I'm a comedian in Los Angeles and sometimes write things on the Internet for people to read and share with the world.