Authors Posts by TheRossEverett

TheRossEverett

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Hi, I'm Ross Everett. You found the secret page. I'm a comedian in Los Angeles and sometimes write things on the Internet for people to read and share with the world.

Fred Armisen

Fred Armisen has been a staple of Saturday Night Live for the past eight seasons since he’s joined the cast. And here was his last hoorah.

With his incredible impressions and character work, Armisen, who has been a go to player in any sketch and brings with him his subtle nuances that make us laugh line after line, announced that this past saturday was his last show as a regular cast member on Saturday Night Live.

Joined onstage by fellow cast members Bill Hader, who has also announced his departure from the show, and Jason Sudeikis who is speculated to be leaving, Armison plays a rendition of a song that shares “It’s been all right, I’ve had a lovely night with you.”

Halfway through the song, he invites some friends of his, “people that have inspired [him] through the years,” to come and join him onstage. Enter Carrie Brownstein, his Portlandia co-star, Aimee Mann, Michael Penn, J. Mascis of Dinosaur Jr., Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols, and Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth. All people whom I’m pleasantly surprised roll with Armisen. Of course they do. Why wouldn’t they.

Armison’s guitar strap reads “TY LM I ::heart:: U” which seems like a nod to SNL show runner Lorne Michaels. Godspeed you hilarious bastard. Godspeed.

Nation

What do you make of this sketch? Was this a good note for Fred Armisen to go out on?

When big budget, highly anticipated films go into production, often times they use “working titles” while they’re being made to prevent any curious onlookers from trying to grab a sneak peak.

Here’s a collection of movie posters if those films went by their pre-production code names.

Nation

Which of these movies would you still have gone to see with its working title

Toothbrush

 

Colgate is trying to acquire the patent to create a caffeinated toothbrush. The oral hygiene products would be embedded with caffeine that would be slowly released during use. The future is coming.

The company is also pondering ideas of a diet toothbrush and toothbrushes that emit cooling and warming sensations. The toothbrushes would be designed with a tongue scraper-esque pad on the back that would hold the chemicals.

In theory, it’s a good idea. It’s easy to see why someone would say “man, I wish I could get that extra boost of energy early in the morning AND increase my dental hygiene at the same time.” But they skipped the next step that usually takes place after these kinds of thoughts where they say “Never mind, lets just order pizza.”

Also, Colgate also makes a little thing called toothpaste, which would probably be a more hygienic way to intake caffeine than from a chemically coated section of an item we repeatedly put in our mouth that never gets washed.

While the FDA has not yet approved the product, it’s a bold move by the company looking to change a product that has been good enough as is for the past 500 years.

Nation

What are your thoughts on a caffeinated toothbrush? Would you use it?

Arrested Development Cast

In gearing up for Netflix’s release of season four of Arrested Development, some clever site launched a completely comprehensive and interactive visualization of every recurring joke the show has ever had.

Whether you want to browse by episode and find out “things you may have missed”, or click through joke by joke to see which episodes they appeared in (no matter how subtle), this is the perfect guide for any Arrested Development fan to reacquaint themselves with every gold nugget the show produced just in time for its revitalization on May 26th.

Click Image To Check It Out
Click Image To Check It Out

Put together by BeutlerInk and RedEdge, this is a fantastic way to spend a few hours catching up on the show should you not want to (or desperately want to but not have the time to) watch every episode before it’s launch.

The show will be launching exclusively on Netflix, so if you want to join in on the fun go to http://www.Netflix.com/SourceFed and get a free month subscription. Just enough time to watch the fourth season eight times.

UPDATE: In addition to this awesome recurring joke visualization, a different site featuring David Cross’ Tobias Funke called “Insert Me Anywhere”. The site hosts an audition reel Tobias made for director James Cameron in which he performs different characters against a green screen so you can download and insert your own backgrounds for him to act against. It’s hilarious. It’s well written. And it’s exciting as all hell.

Arrested Development is known for actually launching the websites featured in the show (like ImStillOscar.com), which begs the question: is this a glimpse at something we might be seeing in season four?

Nation

What’s your favorite Arrested Development joke?

who's line is it anyway

The long awaited return of improv favorite Whose Line Is It Anyway? is nearing and they’ve released a preview video that leaves much to be desired.

In the clip, what seems to be a rusty and haggard looking Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie reunite for one of their classic improv games “greatest hits” but with a “special”, or more accurately “awkward”, 90210 tie in.

Because nothing sells teenagers living lives of luxury quite like middle aged white guys miserably making jokes about it. You can’t blame the improvisers for what looks to be a torturous implementation of cross promotion from their new network. In fact, at times they looked like their souls were being pulled out of their mouths.

This was an amazing show back in the day, even after it came to America from England and Drew Carey took over. But this version looks like the producers wanted to go in one direction and the network wanted to go in another so they agreed to split the difference and ruin it for everybody.

Even though there’s no doubt this show contains (and will contain) some real talent, this clip managed to suck a majority of the excitement out of the buzz surrounding its revival.

With Aisha Tyler as the new host, I can’t help recall her inability to seem natural at the Ubisoft presentation at E3 2012, and wonder if she’ll have the same connection with the performers that Drew Carey brought to the screen back in 2006.

It’s not all bad, as you can still see some glimpses of what made this show amazing. In the second snippet (which is far shorter and less painful than the first) the improvisers are sometimes able to break through their clear distaste for the shackles of 90210 references placed on their comedy wrists to take some jabs at the stereotypes the high school drama follows.

Also featured is a newer face Jonathan Mangum, who seems genuinely excited to be on the stage he no doubt came up longing to be on. Too bad this show seems like it’s going to have a short run.

Nation

What do you think of the preview? Are you still excited for the show’s return?

disney voices

Disney songs are forever embedded in our shower-singing repertoire. But did you ever wonder what the faces behind the immortal voices looked like? Here’s a compilation of some of your favorite Disney songs being sung by the original voices that you may recognize, with the faces you never would.

While Aladdin’s dialogue was voiced by DJ Tanner’s boyfriend, Scott Weinger, his juggling skills must have been better than his singing because Aladdin’s singing voice was performed by Brad Kane. He’s accompanied by a young Lea Salonga recording “A Whole New World” (starts at 1:53)

 

 

Here’s Jodi Benson recording Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid (starts at 1:29)

 

 

While you may know the face of the man behind Timon (Nathan Lane) this may well be the first time you see the man who gave life to his gassy friend Pumba when they sing Hakuna Mata together:

 

 

Even though Beauty and the Beast was recorded in 1991, here’s Paige O’Hara 20 years later singing “Something There”

 

 

Li-Shang from Mulan was voiced by Donny Osmond who isn’t Chinese at all. Here’s him performing “I’ll make a man out of you” (starts at 1:20)

 

 

And as an added bonus, here’s Jackie Chan singing it in Chinese.

Nation:

What’s your favorite Disney song of all time?

oculus rift

What’s better than the oculus rift providing a full 360 degree interactive viewing experience? Watching some dude ride a fake roller coaster while wearing it, of course.

The Oculus Rift, which has been used before to simulate all the fun of getting your head chopped off by a guillotine, is expanding its repertoire to include the slightly less exhilarating experience of being on a roller coaster.

The goodness starts at 0:20 for those who can’t wait.

If anyone wants to send one of these to the office for us to play around with, don’t let anything hold you back. We fully support your decision.

Nation: What would you want to experience if you had an oculus rift?

somali pirate

It’s been twelve months since Somali pirates have hijacked a sea vessel and to celebrate this milestone I want to point out some things that have happened.

1. You Probably Ate Horse Meat

somali

Remember when we found out there was horsemeat in the delicious, delicious IKEA meatballs and how very few people cared? That was only February. It was also only in Europe. Who says that we only cater to US folk?

 

2. The Downfall of Amanda Bynes

 somalisomali

Still not totally together, she’s at least recognizable as the bright young comedienne we had such high hopes for in 2012. Cut to modern day Bynes with her cheek piercings and hair buzzing, and you almost are trying not to make eye contact so you don’t have to give her your change. That’s a joke, but we really need to fix the way we care for those with mental health issues in this country. My vote? More run dancing:

 

3. Four Comic Book Movies Have Been Released

somali

Avengers, Iron Man 3, Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spiderman – and depending on your interpretation of the end of these movies, two super heroes have retired since those pirates last forcefully mounted a boat.

4. Rihanna And Chris Brown Got Back Together And Split Up Again

somali

This train wreck of a couple has been the subject of more recent undesirable activity than any African ships, making the Rihanna Navy the newest vulnerable ocean fleet.

 5. This Picture of Beyonce and This Equally Good Picture of Sandra Bullock

somali

While these would be pretty terrifying pirates, rest assured they’re just beloved national treasures Beyonce and Sandra Bullock. They probably own boats and thanks to forces keeping the pirates at bay those boats are now safe.

Nation, who’s your favorite Somali pirate? Mine’s Harry Styles.

officething

‘”You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’ – Wayne Gretzky” – Michael Scott

It’s been confirmed that Steve Carell will return for the last episode as the character that made him a superstar, Michael Scott, in the series finale of the show that birthed him. It’s speculated, however, that his appearance will be a brief cameo rather than a full fledged guest star.

As The Office nears its end, and the pot-committed viewers yearn for its last breaths and an end to the suffering, we yearn for a nice, neat bow to tie up the series when it comes to an end on May 16th.

As we reflect on the nine-year journey this faux-documentary has taken us on and remember the characters we have come to love, hate, love again, and ponder their sometimes uncharacteristic expositional actions; with two episodes left you can’t help but have an opinion on the way this series should end.

This past week, in what was the third to last episode, the writers seemed to return the characters to the ones we fell in love with initially. Dwight got back to his original brand of weird with some in-office kung-fu, Jim and Pam returned to their love-birdy ways, Angela’s cat love was revisited, we even got some good “Big Tuna” riffs out of Andy which we haven’t heard in what feels like years.

It’s already been leaked that the FINALE finale will be a Survivor-esque reflection panel with all the characters talking about how the airing of the documentary changed their lives, but that cop-out of an ending aside, it should still be interesting to see how the in-office story lines finish up.

Whether you’re hoping for Jim and Pam to rekindle their flame and continue their happy family life in Scranton or for the entire office to go down in literal flames, any one who has watched the series is speculating as to how the show will end.

Here’s how the SourceFed office thinks the show will end:

Joe: They all just up and go work for Parks and Rec

Lee: Oh, I don’t know, Jim and Pam get married.

Steve: I hope there’s an explosion. I’ve never seen it. I like the UK Office better; I’m an elitist.

Elliott: It’s so bad now, I don’t trust them to do anything correctly. I’m hoping the documentary turns out to be more than a best of montage to end the series. I think Jim and Pam are going to solve their relationship problems and they’re going to embark out west. Also, Steve is not an elitist, he’s a dumb-dumb. Actually I love him. Is this a bad time to bring that up?

Boman: I think that guy from the 40 Year Old Virgin is going to come back, he’s going to buy the company back; he’s going to close it and move to an island. I’m thinking Tahiti.

Meg: Beets everywhere. Then there’s a fire.

Danni: THE BUILDING BURNS DOWN

So, Nation, how do you think/want The Office to end its run?

The Cat

You may recall that some time ago Monopoly had a vote as to which piece would replace the crowd “favorite” the iron. Well the cat won and casts the iron out with all the other forgotten and rejected monopoly pieces.

Well, I wont stand for it! I think it’s due time we acknowledge all the rejected tokens that some head honcho decided wasn’t mainstream enough anymore and keep them in our hearts and minds whenever we pass “Go”:

The Iron

The Rotary Phone

The Record Player

The Film Reel

The Doctor Recommended Pack of Cigarettes

The Glass of Scotch

The Whipping Belt

The Snap Bracelet

The Nokia 3360

The AOL 4.0 Trial Disk

RIP you mighty pieces. We hold you in our community chests and look forward to the day we get another chance to pass go with your mighty token. Luxury tax.

You may have noticed that none of these pieces are real (save the iron) but that shouldn’t stop us from mourning their never having existed.

And to the cat: If I play with you and lose WE ARE DONE!

Nation, What piece would you like to see Monopoly include in the future?

downvote

We love social media sites. But do they love us back? At what point do we stand up for ourselves and say “STOP CHANGING WHAT YOU ARE! We liked you! We loved you!”

The life of a social media site is dictated by its relationship with its users. In its infancy, it’s a little glitchy and, much like an actual infant, isn’t able to do everything we want it to yet. Its teenage years are filled with parties and other fun reckless activities; inviting the people you want to hang out with and your parents are none the wiser. And then in adulthood it gets shouted out by a CNN article, recognizes the value of a dollar and starts selling out all of its friends, doing anything for a buck until eventually we all desert it. Then it’s alone and then it dies.

We live in the age of social media; a red dawn where sites become part of our every day lives and integral parts to the way we function. But at what point does this relationship become an abusive one? Our friends all see it, but we won’t listen.

Here are what I find to be the tipping points of a social media site into an abusive user-site relationship:

Site updates change from cool new features you wished would come to odd new features you wish would go away

When a new site arises, its updates are always giving the users more accessibility, almost as if saying “we’ve heard you and we’ve changed it to what you’ve wanted.” Whether this be the ability to tag people in posts, a more customizable look to your page, or new filters that help you take cooler photos. It’s once the changes shift into the “you can no longer do _______” phase that the decline begins. Those new changes seem to say “we’ve heard the people with money so we’ve changed it to what they’ve wanted.” These updates are the site saying “we know what you want better than you know what you want.” For example: Facebook timeline, promoted trends on twitter, or a new user agreement that claims the ability to sell your Instagram photos.

Brand Pages/Accounts

Corporations are not people, so we need to stop letting our social media sites treat them like they are. When BP gets a twitter account or starts asking you to like them on Facebook, the social networking features of the site are slowly gearing up to change into an advertising feature. If the site were a human body, this would be one of the first signs that you should go see an oncologist because you might have cancer.

Advertisers can now buy your eyes

Advertisers view social media sites like fishing in a bucket, so if the bucket starts giving them fishing poles, we as the fish are in a lot of trouble. Granted an advertiser isn’t going to scale you, gut you, and cook you but they ARE trying to use you to feed their family, so the metaphor holds up. Once a site starts to accept money from advertisers to promote their product in the intrusive ways we’ve seen (timeline posts, promoted tweets, etc.) the users become the product being sold. You’re being objectified, and you shouldn’t stand for it. “But, the site’s really a great guy. He lets me post pictures and talk to my friends… He only forces advertisers upon me sometimes.” Starting to sound familiar?

They start using your name to promote brands (they sell you)

Just because you’re a member of a social media site doesn’t mean you should subject yourself to letting your name and image be tied to brands with no monetary compensation. At what point did we agree that clicking “like” or “follow” on a brand page gave them the authority to use us to advertise to our friends? Probably buried deep somewhere in the site’s terms of service that less than one percent of the site’s users have read. This is just the thing that Instagram came under fire for late last year, yet we blindly accept from Twitter and Facebook. When a site starts burying language in their terms of service that they can sell “you” or your creative works, I’m ready for a new site.

So who is up for the challenge of creating the next big social media site that users are craving? I promise you’ll be a billionaire and I only want 10%.

Nation, what are your thoughts on Facebook and Twitter? Are you sick of them or okay with it?

I should also add that these thoughts are mine and mine alone and are not necessarily the opinions of SourceFed or anyone affiliated.

coverphoto

The Bush family has been hacked! Emails raided, pictures downloaded, and highly sensitive information has been intercepted and unleashed on the Internet. So what government secrets were leaked out? What evidence of alien life?

Well, Dubya loves himself a good bath and has taken up painting portraits of himself in the shower.

Bush Portrait Shower

The hacker (who goes by GUCCIFIER) also managed to grab these masterpieces painted by George W. himself.

 

Hacked
George W. Bush paints a church nearby

Seems like life is a little slow after exiting the White House. The most interesting information (and also the saddest) came from emails between the Bush siblings around Christmas last year discussing who would give the eulogy at what they thought would be their father’s impending funeral.

If the former president of the United States isn’t safe from getting hacked, then what are my chances of keeping these delightfully tasteful nudes I’ve snapchatted of myself out of the hands of the public? Relatively terrible.

Nation, what do you think of the President’s paintings?

beyonce

Beyonce is a beautiful woman. But even beautiful women can get caught in an ungraceful moment. And just as with any ungraceful moment, they can be screenshotted and posted on the Internet for all to see.

Beyonce has recently said that she wants the unflattering photos (that surfaced from this BuzzFeed post) removed from the Internet. Oh yeah? Removed from the Internet? Just like that? Ask Brett Favre, Vanessa Hudgens, and Scarlett Johanson how that works out. It doesn’t.

Reddit got ahold of one of the best (or worst depending on who you’re asking) photos and had a little fun with it:

Reddit User: ScanExam
Reddit User: ScanExam
Reddit User: rherm
Reddit User: rherm
Reddit User: Clockstrikesten
Reddit User: Clockstrikesten

So here you go Nation, take this photo and show us what you got:

Beyonce's Bad Photo