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Dude Tries To Smuggle Birds In His Pants


Sometimes, you’ve just got to wonder how we as a species can possibly get anything done with headscratchers like this: A man tried to smuggle birds from Cuba to America. Sixteen of them. The birds were in his pants.

Miami resident Alberto Diaz Gonzalez plead guilty to the charge of attempting to import undeclared wildlife from Cuba. And he told US Customs, as he was reentering the United States, that he wasn’t bringing any wildlife back.

I can then only imagine that a bird chirped. From inside his pants.

The birds were in his pants.

These birds, specifically:

They’re called bullfinches, apparently, and the dude was going to sell them. After he transported them via his pants.

All right. Let’s… let’s just handle this now:

Logan’s List Of Things Acceptable To Carry In Your Pants

  • Keys: You need your keys to get in and out of your house. They don’t have wings and they won’t chirp when you put them in your pants, unless you put something on your keyring that specifically does that. Also, your keys are not birds.
  • Wallet: It has your money. It has your credit cards, maybe even a picture of your lady. You can have a picture of a bird in there, but an actual living bird will not survive for long in your wallet.
  • Phone: Again, a photo of a bird would be fine. Even video, with motion and sounds. Or perhaps a funny app where you have a digital bird as a pet. Your real bird will not belong here. Nor will it belong in your pants.
  • Notepad: Maybe you like to sketch birds. That’s great. Sketch them in here and put the pad in your pocket. Your living bird will not fit there.

Question: What else is acceptable to carry in your pants? Points if you bring the funny.