Medical Lab Loses $700,000 Worth Of Gold


A medical research lab in Chesterfield, Missouri, has lost or had stolen over $700,000 worth of gold. No one knows where it is. Uh-huh, guys. You’re not even trying, are you?

A Pfizer, Inc. lab totally has no idea what’s going on with the gold they stole it and have brought in the police to start an investigation. After an employee was handling inventory, he found that the gold was missing he stole it.

Police Captain Steven Lewis said in a statement about the gold:

We’re not even sure if they just didn’t account for it and it was used naturally, or if it was stolen or misplaced.

It was totally stolen.


Pfizer chose not to explain how they use the gold, which I find horrifying. I mean, it’s gold. Are we ingesting that? Is there gold in our stomachs, now?

Many in the story have commented on how difficult it would be to actually fence the gold. The general manager of Missouri Gold Buyers said they would not take the gold outright.

If someone showed up with a bucket full of this stuff, no one would buy it over the counter, not from our store at least.

I have a few ideas.

Three Ways To Fence Stolen Gold Dust

Put It In Yo’ Teeth: Trust me, Lil’ Wayne would be totally down with buying your stolen gold dust. He would probably also call you a, and I’m going to pre-quote this, “gangsta.” That would be fantastic. Don’t you want to be a gangsta?

Give It To A Warlord: You know Somalia, right? You can totally go there and give it to a brutal regime with absolutely no concern for human rights. But they’ll trade you gold for stuff. And then you can sell that stuff! It’s probably guns, so your mileage may vary.

Hammer Time: Or this: