The Majestic Corgi
For those unsure how to articulate the elegance of nature, look no further than a sunset. However, for those whose taste in the beauty of life cannot be satiated by mere sunsets (because they can get boring after, you know, one), I’d like to present to you a true beacon of comfort. In a world where Ann Coulter is a thing, it does not hurt to be reminded that there are still untainted symbols of purity among us. You call them corgis. I call them hope.
Many accuse the corgi of looking “silly.” Tell me, what is silly about a creature that has evolved into ridiculousness? What’s more, said evolution was done by humans, who are inherently ridiculous. So know that when you ridicule a corgi, you’re actually ridiculing yourself.
Let’s move on to biology. When you look at the above picture, you might first belief that a mad scientist has successfully bred a dog with, say, a rabbit. Alas, this tiny, blinded-by-the-light ball of adorable is indeed just another corgi. But if you look closer, you’ll see ears that don’t stick straight up. This can present health problems if the ears fail to straighten by the time the puppy reaches around 16 weeks. The owner will need to clean their majesty’s ears on a regular basis, as moisture can become locked in there and create bacterial and/or yeast infections. If that occurs, a medication may be required. Let’s hope this warrior grows into a proper beast.
Moving on to the Cardigan Welsh corgi. They’re not as adorable as the Pembroke Welsh corgi, but they’re corgis, so we let them hang out anyway. I certainly wouldn’t kick this thing out of bed, if you know what I mean! (I mean that I would allow it to share a bed with me, as long as it was properly trained and not a bed hog.)
This human probably cracked a joke about the puppy’s short legs. The human laughs, but only for a moment before being torn limb from limb.
The king awaits his feast. If you look closely at this picture, you’ll see a dangerously obese canine. Unfortunately, such poor health decisions–imparted, naturally, by this dog’s stupid human–will ultimately lead to spinal problems. The majestic, stumpy feet of the corgi can present problems if not accounted for with diet and exercise.
Well, this is just silly.
It’s hard to spot corgis in the wild, because they’re civilized socialites and find camping to be repulsive. Except for this little guy, who is clearly insane.
Corgis mask their undying love of humans by occasionally killing one.
Please, no pictures.
Corgis don’t die. They only become adorable zombies.
Finally, if you’re feeling fatalistic, or if you’ve been reading too much Kierkegaard, or if maybe you’ve recently experienced heartbreak, know that the depths of despair are escaped through corgis. And although corgis might enjoy board games, whiskey, and the occasional sultry songstress, such pleasures of the human mind will not aid you in your quest for purpose and meaning. After all, there’s a reason that “corgi” spelled backwards is “igroc.”
They just won’t tell us what it is.
Question: Which picture above most affirmed your life?